Less than 1%
Less than 1%.
Of 1,000 points, only less than 10 of those have greatly affected my life. My family's life.
I should clarify. When I saw that I did not pass the bar, my initial math was funky- I didn't "not pass" the bar by 0.009 %. It was more.
But it was still less than 1%. Less. Than. 1. %.
But give me a little credit- my mind was spinning.
I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. It doesn't even matter.
What does matter, are the lessons learned from this experience.... from the experience of dealing with a system designed to make it more difficult for nursing mothers. From the experience of dealing with a man who was clearly on a power trip. From the experience of dealing with other men who were embarrassed at his behavior. From the experience of other women who jumped at the chance to help me.
The feelings of the last few days have been overwhelming. I have spent the last four days in a cycle of crying, running, enjoying wineries with friends, and eating cookies....a LOT of cookies.
Do you know what the best part is about not passing the bar? All the love that was sent my way on Thursday. Aside from the sucker punch to the lady balls, Thursday was a good day.
While on a walk, on the phone with a dear friend, bawling my eyes out, several of my neighbors happened to be outside doing their own random things and asked if I was okay. I didn't even try to have any pride as I flubbered between sobs that I didn't pass by less than 1%. I didn't care. That pride left when I had my lady jugs out like a prized cow at the livestock show in the hallway of the George R. Brown Convention Center.
I returned home from my walk to find my husband in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies.
Then, my neighbor dropped by with a bottle of wine, a card, and a bouquet of flowers.
Later, I opened the door to a smiling face carrying a bag from Austin Cake Balls sent from a friend in Wisconsin.
Shortly after, I opened the door to a smiling face with cookies from Tiffany's Treat's from my neighbor a couple houses down.
Then, another neighbor dropped by with a bottle of wine, flowers, and a card.
Early afternoon, I hear my door open, and in walks my nanny, who was working with a different family that day. She rushed over as soon as she was finished at her other house and dropped by with a bouquet of reese's peanut butter cups, my favorite chocolate, my favorite tea, my other favorite tea, a gallon of ice cream, two lemon sorbet cups. She also cleaned up my kitchen.
Last, I opened the door to find Tiffany's Treats standing there again with more cookies, milk, chocolate milk, and ice cream- sent from my girlfriends from NY.
Except for one bowl of vegetables, I literally ate nothing but cookies all day. No joke- I consumed over 30 cookies. It was the best crappy day of all time.
I think one of the most impactful moments of this whole experience is the lesson I was able to teach my children. They ran up to me when I picked them up from school, anxiously asking me if I passed- smiles in their faces, because they knew I had.
When I told them I did not, they looked confused- as in, perhaps there was a mistake. They asked if I was sure. I smiled and said yes, I was sure.
I then had the opportunity, which I took, to talk to them about pursuing dreams, road blocks, and never giving up. I reminded them how important this was to me and was honest in how disappointed I was. Then I explained how when you want something so badly, you don't give up. You press on, you move forward. You take that test again. You do things until you get it right, and you don't give up until you have what you want.
Am I glad I didn't pass the bar? Noooooooo. No, I am not. I would be a flat out liar and should be high fived in the face if I said this is great. This blows. But I am glad for the opportunity to demonstrate to my children that you don't always get what you want, when you want it, even when you work really really hard, and give something your all. But if you want it, you have to get back out there, and give it another go.
There were a few moments this weekend that I thought that maybe I didn't pass it because I can't hack it. Then I looked at my score report and saw that in the session right after I had to pump in the hallway I scored less than 95% of all test takers. Less than 95%. It made me think of those teachers who tell their students to leave their home life at the door when they walk into school. Psychological effects are no joke. I tried my hardest to get over to get over the pumping thing- but it really threw me for that next session.....and the ones after. Really, truly threw me.
My father in law called me to express his sympathy. A highly intelligent man, he himself failed his boards three times before he passed. Three. Times. Omg I hope I don't have to do this three time. But this man is brilliant- his last position before he "retired" was as a Professor of Veterinary Medicine and Surgery at the MD Anderson Cancer Center. And it took him three times. Some people just don't test well. That's me.
So I reminded myself this weekend that I went to law school ten years after undergrad- and that business is HARD. AND, I went to school with two kids, and a husband who is rarely home. AND I finished a JD/MBA four year degree in three years. AND I was on law review AND I was an editor. AND, my last semester of law school, I had a baby. This baby was born with an apgar score of a 2 via emergency c section- he wasn't breathing, and had to be ventilated and sent to the NICU. Less than 24 hours later, I was nursing this baby while I was getting four units of blood, finishing writing a 57 page paper for my class. AND, I earned a 4.0 in my law classes that semester. AND I graduated cum laude.
To the woman who wrote the article in Above the Law about how the Texas bar passage rate was so low this year is because law schools are admitting more students who just aren't qualified to be lawyers, your view was shortsighted- and offensive. I have to wonder if she took the bar exam and also had the opportunity to pump in the hallway in the middle of her exam. Just curious.
One of my best friend's mother, Mrs. Garriott, had this motto in life: have your pity party, cry, and then move on. I had my pity party, I cried, I ate my cookies until I got sick, and now I've moved on.
July Bar is just around the corner.
Of 1,000 points, only less than 10 of those have greatly affected my life. My family's life.
I should clarify. When I saw that I did not pass the bar, my initial math was funky- I didn't "not pass" the bar by 0.009 %. It was more.
But it was still less than 1%. Less. Than. 1. %.
But give me a little credit- my mind was spinning.
I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. It doesn't even matter.
What does matter, are the lessons learned from this experience.... from the experience of dealing with a system designed to make it more difficult for nursing mothers. From the experience of dealing with a man who was clearly on a power trip. From the experience of dealing with other men who were embarrassed at his behavior. From the experience of other women who jumped at the chance to help me.
The feelings of the last few days have been overwhelming. I have spent the last four days in a cycle of crying, running, enjoying wineries with friends, and eating cookies....a LOT of cookies.
Do you know what the best part is about not passing the bar? All the love that was sent my way on Thursday. Aside from the sucker punch to the lady balls, Thursday was a good day.
While on a walk, on the phone with a dear friend, bawling my eyes out, several of my neighbors happened to be outside doing their own random things and asked if I was okay. I didn't even try to have any pride as I flubbered between sobs that I didn't pass by less than 1%. I didn't care. That pride left when I had my lady jugs out like a prized cow at the livestock show in the hallway of the George R. Brown Convention Center.
I returned home from my walk to find my husband in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies.
Then, my neighbor dropped by with a bottle of wine, a card, and a bouquet of flowers.
Later, I opened the door to a smiling face carrying a bag from Austin Cake Balls sent from a friend in Wisconsin.
Shortly after, I opened the door to a smiling face with cookies from Tiffany's Treat's from my neighbor a couple houses down.
Then, another neighbor dropped by with a bottle of wine, flowers, and a card.
Early afternoon, I hear my door open, and in walks my nanny, who was working with a different family that day. She rushed over as soon as she was finished at her other house and dropped by with a bouquet of reese's peanut butter cups, my favorite chocolate, my favorite tea, my other favorite tea, a gallon of ice cream, two lemon sorbet cups. She also cleaned up my kitchen.
Last, I opened the door to find Tiffany's Treats standing there again with more cookies, milk, chocolate milk, and ice cream- sent from my girlfriends from NY.
Except for one bowl of vegetables, I literally ate nothing but cookies all day. No joke- I consumed over 30 cookies. It was the best crappy day of all time.
I think one of the most impactful moments of this whole experience is the lesson I was able to teach my children. They ran up to me when I picked them up from school, anxiously asking me if I passed- smiles in their faces, because they knew I had.
When I told them I did not, they looked confused- as in, perhaps there was a mistake. They asked if I was sure. I smiled and said yes, I was sure.
I then had the opportunity, which I took, to talk to them about pursuing dreams, road blocks, and never giving up. I reminded them how important this was to me and was honest in how disappointed I was. Then I explained how when you want something so badly, you don't give up. You press on, you move forward. You take that test again. You do things until you get it right, and you don't give up until you have what you want.
Am I glad I didn't pass the bar? Noooooooo. No, I am not. I would be a flat out liar and should be high fived in the face if I said this is great. This blows. But I am glad for the opportunity to demonstrate to my children that you don't always get what you want, when you want it, even when you work really really hard, and give something your all. But if you want it, you have to get back out there, and give it another go.
There were a few moments this weekend that I thought that maybe I didn't pass it because I can't hack it. Then I looked at my score report and saw that in the session right after I had to pump in the hallway I scored less than 95% of all test takers. Less than 95%. It made me think of those teachers who tell their students to leave their home life at the door when they walk into school. Psychological effects are no joke. I tried my hardest to get over to get over the pumping thing- but it really threw me for that next session.....and the ones after. Really, truly threw me.
My father in law called me to express his sympathy. A highly intelligent man, he himself failed his boards three times before he passed. Three. Times. Omg I hope I don't have to do this three time. But this man is brilliant- his last position before he "retired" was as a Professor of Veterinary Medicine and Surgery at the MD Anderson Cancer Center. And it took him three times. Some people just don't test well. That's me.
So I reminded myself this weekend that I went to law school ten years after undergrad- and that business is HARD. AND, I went to school with two kids, and a husband who is rarely home. AND I finished a JD/MBA four year degree in three years. AND I was on law review AND I was an editor. AND, my last semester of law school, I had a baby. This baby was born with an apgar score of a 2 via emergency c section- he wasn't breathing, and had to be ventilated and sent to the NICU. Less than 24 hours later, I was nursing this baby while I was getting four units of blood, finishing writing a 57 page paper for my class. AND, I earned a 4.0 in my law classes that semester. AND I graduated cum laude.
To the woman who wrote the article in Above the Law about how the Texas bar passage rate was so low this year is because law schools are admitting more students who just aren't qualified to be lawyers, your view was shortsighted- and offensive. I have to wonder if she took the bar exam and also had the opportunity to pump in the hallway in the middle of her exam. Just curious.
One of my best friend's mother, Mrs. Garriott, had this motto in life: have your pity party, cry, and then move on. I had my pity party, I cried, I ate my cookies until I got sick, and now I've moved on.
July Bar is just around the corner.
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