YOU happened

I am basically a year late into all my posts so I am going to try to catch up.  As it turns out, having three kids is absolutely insane.  INSANE.

So, apparently we were early potty trainers.  The early potty training did not initially start out by choice, but rather, my very independent two year old daughter, several years ago.   One night, shortly after she turned two, someone asked me when I was planning on potty training her.  I said, “Never.”  I had heard the horror stories and I figured at some point she would be embarrassed she was pooping herself in public and then we’d be done- I didn’t care if that was when she was in fifth grade or not. 

There was no way she could have heard that conversation because she was asleep. Next day, she told me she was done, and I found the “three day potty training method.”  Why reinvent the wheel?  Thus the understanding that a two year old could in fact be potty trained was born.  We didn’t follow the “3 day method” to a “T”, so it took 9 days.  For Colton, we followed it exactly, and it took 3 days.  I remember when I told people we were going to potty train Colton and we were told not to expect too much from him, “since he was a boy.”  I asked what that meant and I was told that because “he was a boy,” it would take him longer and not to have the same expectations.  I remember at the time being floored.  My child’s chromosomes do not dictate my level of expectations.  So, when we potty trained him a month earlier than Gabriela Catalina, and in less days, it reinforced the fact that a child’s ability, or drive, or desire to do something has NOTHING to do with that X or Y. 

We were coming up on our fourth baby and I wanted Cooper to have enough time to adjust to the whole “not peeing yourself” idea well before the baby arrived to avoid as much regression as possible.  Because I was working full time, I had to do it on a three day weekend.  I know people who potty trained their kids at 18 months, so I knew doing it earlier than 2 years was definitely possible.

Plus, I love it when people say that its not possible for boys or girls to do something because of their gender and I can politely smile and offer proof that that kind of logic should be dead by now. 

So yeah, at 22 months, we gave it a go.  I’m proud to say that Cooper was the quickest of my kids to potty train- 2 days, donezo.  I don’t know if it has something to do with my sheer determination to make it happen, or his stubbornness, or a little bit of both, but I am super proud of him and that accomplishment. 

That being said, it didn’t come without consequence.  Being that little, its hard to communicate sometimes and even harder to express yourself.  Its hard being 1 and knowing you have to go to the bathroom but recognizing you have to stop playing to go take care of your business. 

So one day when he told me he had to go to the bathroom, I swooped him and ran him to the bathroom as usual.  When you’ve got a one year old who says he has to go to the bathroom, there is no “holding it;” there’s only running.  We get to the bathroom and he is FREAKING OUT telling me he doesn’t want to go- except he HAS to go.  I’m freaking out on the inside because this is not my first rodeo.  I know full well that all that flailing is going to result in a massive cascade of pee everywhere, but I am trying to stay calm and talk him through sitting down and letting it happen.  He’s screaming at me to stop it and let him play, and now I’m firmly telling him to SIT on the potty because he is about to pee on me.  As he is screaming that he doesn’t have to go, all of the sudden it comes. 

He pees. 

Straight into my face.

Into my hair.

Into my eye.

Up my nose.

Running down my mouth.

OMG.  I reminded myself that I loved my child and that I wanted him in this world.

I think that even shocked him because he immediately stopped and sat down.  In awe, he said, “OH NO MOMMY!!!  What HAPPENED???”

I looked at him and said, “You just peed.  All over Mommy.  Because you wouldn’t sit down....  YOU happened.”  He looked at me and replied, “Noooooo Mommy.  YOU happened.  You did the pee pees.”

I’m fairly positive I did not pee in my own face, thanks though.