Notes about the Gym
There are certain classes at the gym I go to that you have to make a reservation for in order to attend- which means they get full.... which means you may NOT take up all the space your little heart desires.
For this particular class I went to today, it is understood that your space is the step plate in front of you, and the mat that is behind the step plate. Therefore, AAAAANY space behind your mat is fair game. It is polite to leave about a foot. I left two, out of the goodness of my heart (that, and I really dont enjoy a buttocks straight up in my face when we are stretching).
At some point we had to put our hands on the step plate and stretch out our body to stretch out our calves. If there is NOT enough space for you to lengthen your body perpendicularly to your step mat, you need to angle yourself- not a big deal.
Here are where my notes come in....
1- I am NOT paying attention to you (you being the person directly in front of me). I am paying attention to myself and therefore looking behind me, where I should be looking. Do not assume that you being comfortable is my priority. I assure you, it is not.
2- Since you do not have enough room to stretch out fully, ANGLE YOURSELF LIKE A BIG GIRL.
3- You grunting and huffing about your lack of space makes me want to smack you. But I still refuse to look at you.
4- Your "passive aggressive" way of KICKING my step plate in the hopes that I will "get the point" and move back is completely pointless. I am nine months pregnant and if I fall and hurt myself due to your stupidity, I WILL take my foot and shove it down your throat. Your immaturity only plants myself harder down on my step plate.
5- The extra kick you gave me in your final attempt for more room did NOT in fact make me sympathetic to you. In fact, it made me shove my plate 3 inches forward and now you have LESS room. Kick me again. I dare you. I will take my bulbuss belly, swing it around and knock you out.
6- I listen to a two and a half year old grunt and pout at me AND kick things in my direction all day long. If you think for a *second* that I ignore her and will respond to YOU, you are sorely mistaken my notfriend.
7- All you had to do was say, "Excuse me, is there any way you can scoot back some? I just can't fit" and I would have said, "sure! No problem"
8- The dirty looks you gave me after class was over changed my mind. I decided NOT to inform you that, though you may be sixty and sexy, you should wear underwear under your pants, as they are *completely* see through and I saw more crack in 55 minutes than I ever need to see again in my life.
9- Have a nice day. I hope you don't slip on the wet sidewalk outside and break your hip.
For this particular class I went to today, it is understood that your space is the step plate in front of you, and the mat that is behind the step plate. Therefore, AAAAANY space behind your mat is fair game. It is polite to leave about a foot. I left two, out of the goodness of my heart (that, and I really dont enjoy a buttocks straight up in my face when we are stretching).
At some point we had to put our hands on the step plate and stretch out our body to stretch out our calves. If there is NOT enough space for you to lengthen your body perpendicularly to your step mat, you need to angle yourself- not a big deal.
Here are where my notes come in....
1- I am NOT paying attention to you (you being the person directly in front of me). I am paying attention to myself and therefore looking behind me, where I should be looking. Do not assume that you being comfortable is my priority. I assure you, it is not.
2- Since you do not have enough room to stretch out fully, ANGLE YOURSELF LIKE A BIG GIRL.
3- You grunting and huffing about your lack of space makes me want to smack you. But I still refuse to look at you.
4- Your "passive aggressive" way of KICKING my step plate in the hopes that I will "get the point" and move back is completely pointless. I am nine months pregnant and if I fall and hurt myself due to your stupidity, I WILL take my foot and shove it down your throat. Your immaturity only plants myself harder down on my step plate.
5- The extra kick you gave me in your final attempt for more room did NOT in fact make me sympathetic to you. In fact, it made me shove my plate 3 inches forward and now you have LESS room. Kick me again. I dare you. I will take my bulbuss belly, swing it around and knock you out.
6- I listen to a two and a half year old grunt and pout at me AND kick things in my direction all day long. If you think for a *second* that I ignore her and will respond to YOU, you are sorely mistaken my notfriend.
7- All you had to do was say, "Excuse me, is there any way you can scoot back some? I just can't fit" and I would have said, "sure! No problem"
8- The dirty looks you gave me after class was over changed my mind. I decided NOT to inform you that, though you may be sixty and sexy, you should wear underwear under your pants, as they are *completely* see through and I saw more crack in 55 minutes than I ever need to see again in my life.
9- Have a nice day. I hope you don't slip on the wet sidewalk outside and break your hip.
Congratulations!!!! DeNae told me the good news!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE reading your musings on line, you're funny and real about the way you see the world. I just think you should know, I look forward to seeing a new posting on this site. And...CONGRATULATIONS on your new little man. We're so excited for you!
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