RMUES #2- No more bullying!

I am so sick of dealing with this mother and even more annoyed at the bullying.  I'm DONE letting people walk over me and DONE letting it happen to other people. 

So, herein I present....

Another episode of the Real Moms of the UES....(episode #2)

Okay, here's the cast. Names have been changed to protect the guilty!! Except I will be myself- whoo hoo! Then we have Samantha (she'll be the special mom), Sophie, Sarah, Suzy, Angela. There are in fact four of us with the same starting letter, so I thought I'd keep it that way.

Previously on RMUES...

All the women wanted to just have a cocktail at a bar and not deal with cleanup, setup, ordering food, etc.  Samantha was not in agreement.  Kiki suggested they vote, on the surface, so that everything would be fair.  Inside she just wanted her to be quiet and go away.  All Samantha is interested in is herself and won't listen to anyone else.  The slapping of the hands on the table is just too much.The vote happened and was 5 to 6 having cocktail hour in the bar as opposed to having to do all the work.  All the ladies moved forward with plans as agreed upon in the vote.  Unbeknownst to the majority, Samantha contacted Sophie (the girl who is planning the party) and told her she had a real issue with having the party at the bar.

Let's see what happened.  Real emails, from real Mommies...

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From Sophie

Hi All,

So it seems we have a bit of an issue with the class parent get-together. Some folks think a bar is inappropriate. Others prefer to do it at a bar/public place so everyone can eat/drink what they want and we aren't asking for money from people again. I am personally up for anything and just want to do what's going to be most inclusive to the broader group. So I suggest we send out the following survey to all class parents and ask them to vote on options below (feel free to add other options) and we go with whatever gets the most votes.

Option 1: Party in a building common room (need a parent resident to reserve for us). Anyone coming contributes $10 toward food or brings something to pass. Everyone brings their own beverage. (no kids)

Option 2: Private back room at Sessions73. No cost to attend but everyone is responsible for purchasing whatever they want to eat/drink. (no kids)

Option 3: BYO food/drink picnic in central park on a weekend (w/kids)

Thoughts?

Sophie

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From Samantha

We are supposed to HOST a party, not poll the class. That is embarrassing! Six women cannot plan a simple get together!?

The other classes have their cocktail parties in full swing, invites out, etc... We cannot seem to get our act together.

There are too many cooks in the kitchen.

Yes, a bar is inappropriate for a school function. There are parents who do not frequent bars. Parents were APPALLED at the idea! We also agreed this was an adult party, no children.

If we have it in a restaurant, there needs to be food provided. You provide food when you HOST a party. Therefore, we need a donation. IF you don't want to go that route, then a private party room in a building with a potluck is the other option.

At this rate, we are better off forgoing this entire event. We will be socializing with everyone at the class breakfast.

Samantha

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From Suzy

I didn't get the memo that we're supposed to host a party. Or that a bar is inappropriate. My 2nd grader's class is also having their party in a bar - there were no meetings, no voting. 2 ladies discussed it, suggested the place/day/time and everyone else said 'Cool'. No sign of embarrassment or appall either.

So what are our options now?

1) Samantha, you're clearly the most passionate about the party. Maybe you should organize?

2) Stick to the original plan that 5 out of 6 agreed to.

3) Make 2 get togethers. The more the merrier - true for parties, people and alcohol!

4) Forgo the event

I don't care when, where or how we do it. But I would prefer that we do something because I'd truly enjoy the opportunity to meet even more parents. You can count me out of the planning, so we're down to 5 now. Hopefully that will make things easier.

 

Suzy

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From Samantha

I find it very hard to believe that your 2nd grade class is NOT collecting money for this event and NOT providing food. My 3rd grader's class cocktail party is being held in a restaurant/bar with a $22 per person dinner and $8 cocktails. Inviting kindergarten parents to a bar for pay your own drinks and food is the turn off, it's just not done in this school community. I'm not passionate about this party. Parents are looking forward to a cocktail party with food and drinks provided, as they are accustomed to in the past,

 

I also believe your numbers are incorrect, 4 out of 6 voted for the bar.

 

This party was on its way. Sophie agreed to organize it while Angela arranged the room. Once the mention of a donation came out plans changed. However, the event should of been tweaked. While some parents are unable to donate $10, other parents were offering to donate $50, $100 or even one parent who offered to caterer the entire event. Options were never discussed.

 

It is also my understanding that it is against NY state law to have children in a bar after dark. Aside from the law, parents paying for sitters will not be happy to arrive to a child-free party with children in attendance.

 

And I agree with you that other class moms get their events organize with ease. That had been my previous experience.

 

Samantha

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From Sophie

Samantha,

I don't understand why you are attacking me on this when all I am trying to do is find a solution that works for the entire class, including you. I only opened it back up for discussion b/c I heard through the grapevine that some parents were not happy with a bar. My view of the class parent role is to represent the entire class of diverse parents, hence my suggestion to send it out to vote. I am personally happy with all of the options but fully appreciate that some people want to keep this casual and inexpensive and others want a more formal affair.

If we want to do this quickly, then 5 (not 4) of us all voted that a bar was fine. I spent considerable amount of time talking to location managers to come up with a solution that I feel meets in the middle. Sessions73 is primarily a music venue but also a bar and a restaurant. I managed to talk the general manager into giving us a private space in the back w/o charge which is perfect for mingling standing up but also has a seating area (it's typically a $30 pp minimum with food & open bar to have that private space). So people can choose how much they want to spend. If some parents want to contribute towards food, I suggest we have an optional $10 donation to preorder apps and then drinks are on our own.

I agree with you that there are too many cooks in the kitchen to do this efficiently and opening it up to vote, while democratic, will take longer and just bring in more diverse points of view, which we certainly don't need. :)

I also just want an opportunity to meet other parents and hope this is the first of many get-togethers! 

Sophie

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From Kiki

Samantha, 

I'm really sorry about what is about to come out, because I'm a really, really nice person and I try really hard to make sure everyone is included and is happy. This email will honestly be a first for me. But honestly this is ridiculous. You, specifically, are being ridiculous. Every time we turn around, you are attacking someone, and for no good reason. You've now attacked three of the six of us. Who is next on your list?

 

First, you attacked me for my financial situation suggesting it didn't matter whether or not I came to the party (or others in my same boat) because we don't have as much money as everyone else. Not cool.

 

Second, you attack Sophie because she is trying to come up with a solution that YOU are happy with, even though you are the only one who has a problem with the arrangement.  Sophie is the nicest person and has done a lot of work to get this going and all you do is put her down. Not cool.

 

Third, now you are attacking Suzy. She's not an idiot and your email below suggests you believe so.  Suzy is an incredibly nice, intelligent person and is also just trying to appease you. Do you see the theme here???? Everyone is trying to appease you- why??? Your email below is inappropriate, rude, condescending and appalling that you would speak to another person this way. Not cool.

 

I, personally, am sick and tired of this. For God's sake, this is KINDERGARTEN. This is NOT a country club. This is our kids' classroom and you are turning this into a parade of shananigans. We don't need to HOST a party and spend a crap ton of money on stuff- this is absurd.

 

I dont care what your third grade class did or how much money they spent. This is not a competition. What I care about? -meeting other parents in my kids' class so we can have some fun. That's it. Period.

 

There is no "what's been done in the past" because guess what?? This is KINDERGARTEN. There is no "past."

 

I am bringing my kids to whatever function this is. Period. And if I do, are you going to corner me up against a locker and give me a wedgie or steal my lunch money??? Becuase that's what I feel like this is. You are being an adult bully. Knock it off.

 

The reason this is not happening with ease is because we all are in agreement except you.

 

The statement you made about children being in bars is incorrect. Please note:

 

New York Penal Code Penal Law § 260.20(2) states that minors can be given alcohol in the situation where the tasting or swallowing of liquor is required in courses that are part of the curriculum. Furthermore, if a parent or guardian chooses to give his child liquor, this is not illegal. As long as the parent purchases the liquor, he or she can give the child alcohol moderately under ABC Law § 65(5).

In New York under ABC Law § 100(2-b)(a), individuals under the age of sixteen should not be present in an establishment in which liquor is provided, such as a bar. The exception to this rule, found in Penal Law § 260.21(1)(a), occurs when the child is in the presence of a parent, guardian, or authorized adult.

So, there you go. Don't worry about that.

 "I" am done with this parade of emails going back and forth because YOU are the only one who won't go with what the group wants. 5 of the 6 of us voted to do the bar. So, "I" am going to reserve it and send out an email. Period.

  

Let's be honest. Its not that people are "APPALLED" as you say, its that you didn't get your way. That's what happens in life. We don't always get our way. But you know what? Life goes on. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. You are being so incredibly mean. Stop it.

  

Furthermore, my name is KIKI, not KIWI. So stop calling me that behind my back. Its rude and immature.

  

Have a nice day.

Best,

Kiki

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From Samantha

 

Words cannot express how wrong you are on all accounts. I am not a bully nor was I attacking anyone. I am stating facts from parents who have expressed their disinterest in this fiasco of a cocktail party.

You want to host a family get together in a bar, go right ahead.

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All I can think is, "I think I will, thank you very much.  AND, I might order EVERYONE in my familiy a margharita, since you know, now I know its legal.  Whoo hoo!"

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!