$150

You know what of the best things about birthing children? Hormones. And the face stains that go with those little friends. It's okay, I'll say it.... I have a five o'clock shadow on my upper lip that makes me resemble a man that exists outside the realm of five o'clock. It must be taken care of. This is the city for crying out loud and I canNOT, I repeat, canNOT look like a man. If I'm like 80 and can't see it, that's one thing.... no, actually, its not. If you know me when I am 80 and I am walking around with a stache you better tell me! If you are not a part of the solution you are a part of the problem!

Anyway. I go to the dermatologist to discuss my manliness (vain, I know, judge me all you want) and I clarify the instructions on how to just put it on the upper lip, right? Not all over the face? She tells me "yes, just on the upper lip...." and then she pauses and says... "and you might want to put it "here" and "here" too....." Oh. Well. Fantastic. Any other parts of me I should readjust? I dont know, want to remove my face too? See, now this is the reason I would have issues going to a plastic surgeon... those poor people go in for one thing, ONE THING!! and come out with 17 surgeries... So fine, I will also put it "here and here" (sad....I liked my raccoon looking eyes... gave some sort of impression that I was outside getting a sunglass tan).

"Oh, and by the way," she breezes, "I don't think insurance will cover it because its considered "cosmetic."" Cosmetic? Look chick- this is no longer 'cosmetic.' This is now "therapy" seeing as though I *thought* I only had one problem but as it turns out I clearly have THREE. She continues, "It's okay though. Its pretty cheap. Its only like $150."

What the........? What planet am I ON????

I bought it. She was wrong. Thank God. $35 and no therapy.

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