An UES Update, #1

The tale of the Upper East Side Mommies…

 An update of sorts in this strange life of the UES, now that school is in play.  

It IS in fact, just like the movies.  The moms in their Louis Vuitton’s, I in my Target workout clothes, smeared boogers (not mine) down my pants leg, hair in disarray- some sort of ponytail bun thing, my standard since I was six,  while the women around me have had blown outs probably the last hour.  When I first moved here, I was disgusted.  At the money, the clothes, the nannies… But as I’ve been here the last four and a half years and adapted, I realize, well, if you have the money to blow, why not, really?  Good for you that you’ve worked hard. Seriously.   I’m really only envious on nights when I just want to go out and have a drink with my husband but I remember that a sitter alone for three hours will cost us $75- and somehow it doesn’t seem worth it.  The Nannies?  Turns out not all of them leave their charges strapped into their strollers for an hour in the blazing sun, talking on their cell phone while their “kid” screams- there are actually some amazing Nannies out there who clearly love and devote their life to their kids.   The clothes?  Well, let’s just say that after my “appearance intervention”- where I was cornered by my girlfriends and told I was no longer allowed to be seen outside my building in public in my holey wife beater t-shirt and chlorine stained sofie shorts from my high school swim team and had to swear I would start dressing myself like a normal human being, I quite enjoy finding something matching to wear to go outside.  Everyone is a fan of this.  On days that I don’t feel like coordinating, I throw on my gym clothes- matching of course- because I either look like I am going to go to the gym or have just come from the gym.  No one knows its because I have no plans to go and am hiding the fact that I haven’t showered in a few days… it’s my (literally) dirty little secret.  

 I digress.  What was I saying?  Oh yes.  The movies.  The intense mothers- that’s where I was going.  Let me just say here, I’m not knocking all the UES Mothers… just the stereotypical ones.  I have plenty of good hearted, amazing friends who are completely and totally normal.  But its not them I’m sharing with you- it’s the others.  

A little glimpse into what its like being a kindergarten class mom on the upper east side (you know… one of six of them).  And, I know what day this post will come back to bite me in the rear, so I apologize in advance.  I truly mean no harm.  Just sharing an insulting email that was sent out to a group of people aimed at me.

 On setting up a cocktail meet and greet party for parents of my kid’s class.  After a battle of the emails where Dominant Mom TOLD us how we were going to do the cocktail party (you know, rather than ask opinions get ideas from the group… like adults…) I suggested we all just meet at a bar and then everyone can pay for their own.  Dominant Mom did not like my idea and said such in a nasty email.  Here are two exchanges afterwards.  This.  Is. My.  Life.  It’s going to be a looooong year.

Me:

“Whatever the group wants is fine with me. Here's the thing- I know every family's financial situation is different and its honestly no one's business but their own, but I"m going to share mine to put things into perspective. My family cannot afford $10 here, $10 there every time we turn around- my husband is a resident and I stay at home with the kids. I'm uncomfortable asking people for money all the time- and I don't just mean "me"- I mean, us, as class parents. I just don't think its necessary. We never discussed nor agreed this being $10 per person or $20 per couple plus a bottle of wine. That may be what was done in the past, in other classes and other grade levels, but that doesn't mean that is what we have to do now- or if we even want to do that. I honestly think we should pick a bar, set a date/time, let everyone know where/when the "happy hour pay for however many dirnks you want" will be, adn then people just pay for what they want. My husband and I go to these things all the time for his work, when we can get a friend to watch our kids because we cannot afford a babysitter, and we never order anything because we can't. When you start adding up costs, people are going to be left out because of it and I don't think that's right. That being said, if this is the kind of thing the group wants, you have to understand families are going to be left out. Mine is one of them and I know we aren't the only ones. Just my two cents.”

Dominant Mom:

“Kiki, I understand your situation. However, not every student attending PS ### is the child of a resident. I have lived here for 11 years and have never met resident families until last year when I switched my children from private school to public. There are many children in our kindergarten class who attended private preschools who's parents would not think twice to contribute $20 to attend a cocktail party.

there will be many events throughout the year that the school will ask for $6, $10, etc... That is school anywhere.

 I did mention the $10/$20 cocktail party contribution and no one had an issue with it. If you can't contribute the money, perhaps bring a dish to share.”

Um… that is NOT school anywhere.  I taught for four years before coming here and we never asked the parents for anything.  Can I lick the bottom of your shoe now, please ma’am???  AGH!!