My heart broke for him

My heart broke into a thousand pieces yesterday.

For those of you who know Colton, you know he is the sweetest little lovey on the face of the planet. When he was younger, and couldn't talk, when a kid would take his toy, he wouldn't even try to get it back.  When a kid pushed him on the playground, his eyes would tear up, but he would get up, shake off the dirt, and go do something else.  It bothered me.  While I was proud that my son didn't hit back, a small part of me wanted him to shove the other kid back- I don't want my son to be bullied.  We have spent years on finding the balance between being respectful, understanding that sometimes kids are just angry and its better to walk away, and standing up for yourself. 

Last year when Colton was getting punched in the throat at school and the principal clearly didn't give two craps, I talked to his karate teacher about how to handle it.  He talked to Colton about the creed of the school: Use Might for Right- and what that meant.  We had to teach my son how to fight back.  He cried, because he didn't want to hit someone- because it was mean.  That's my boy.  A lover, not a fighter.  (A call to that mother politely letting her know that if her son ever even touched mine again I would call the police- and yes I WOULD call the police on her "only six year old" son- ended that nonsense- I don't care if your kid is two- my children will not live in fear because you refuse to parent).

Yesterday was different.  His friends weren't angry- they weren't taking anything out on Colton. They made fun of him.  Like legitimately made fun of his very core.

We were sitting at the table talking about our day when Colton burst into tears.  "When I was telling my friends that one day I wanted to be able to have fire power and shoot fire from my body they laughed at me.  They told me that was impossible and that was stupid."  He was bawling.  The reason this is such a big deal is because Colton is a creator (well... also a destroyer...;)).  He is constantly thinking of new inventions, new ways of doing things, creating machines from the crap he brings home from the playground.  Don't forget- there was that time he built a functioning propeller in kindergarten from the bubble wands, screws, and rubber bands he found on the playground at lunch one day.  He prides himself on his ability to come up with innovative ideas.  And, to his credit, when I was in Dubai on the Global Consulting trip, I actually talked to the guy about Colton's idea of how to make a Spider Man Force Field- so that one day he could actually climb walls like Spider Man.  He smiled and said he loved the idea and maybe one day we could make it happen and we talked about how to actually do it.

I could tell that this was really the first time that something hurt his feelings- for real.  It was like someone told him that everything he was, isn't real, and can't be done.  It was awful.  And in that moment, I realized that his life was going to be full of hurt.  I thought about all the times some girl is going to break his heart.  All the times he is going to have a crush, and not be crushed back.  All the times someone is going to tell him he is stupid, or his ideas are dumb.  I know the day is coming when he is going to get made fun of for his stuttering.  It was an overwhelming moment.  It was like for the first time I realized that I can't be in control of everything that ever happens to him, and it made me sad.

We sympathized with Colton and told him we thought that was so mean and unfair and that his friends shouldn't talk to him like that.  We gave him some thoughts on what to say the next time someone is impolite.  We explained that sometimes we are going to have ideas that don't work- and that's okay- and that's how we come across great ideas that DO work.  

And then, to prove to him how smart he was, about how anything he can dream of is possible.... (eye roll here)....we showed him youtube clips of people shooting fire from their mouths.  "See Colton???? It CAN be done.  Just don't ever, EVER, EVER light anything on fire or stick any of that in your mouth.  If you do, you will burn down our house and burn your face off."  That was probably the worst idea of all time.   Yup.  Good parents, right here.